As human beings we are wired for love and belonging. Not only do we need connection to survive we need it to thrive. Perhaps that’s why break ups are so tough. Why is it so hard to leave a relationship when it isn’t working out the way we thought it would. What emotions are tangle in this dance of living in an unsatisfactory relationship.
Often times we become paralyzed by the fear of hurting someone else so instead we betray our own needs, values, and desires. We get stuck in the monotonous story of how others will view us after the break up, including the person we are trying to detach from.
When we continue these relationships we live in the cycle of betrayal and dishonesty which is derived from delusional thinking. The truth is we love these them, that’s why it’s so tough. We have fun together. We laugh until we pee or cry, whatever comes first. We share a history that runs deep, especially if you’ve each other for years on end. They know all your deep-seeded secrets and we know theirs. We have shared moments of vulnerability that make this connection beautiful. If you are compromising any part of yourself for moments of this connection then you my friend are not living authentically.
Behind our hair, our make up, our brand name clothing, whatever skills and talents we process, is us. At the end of the day all a person has is their integrity. We think that others will like us for what we give them or do for them. When we put this pressure on ourselves to be something grand we end up spending money we don’t have to impress people we aren’t aligned with. We do this because deep down we don’t actually believe we are worthy of authentic connection. The connection between another human being just as you are.
Fantasy living drive a wedge between who you are and who you allow others to see. It prevents us from building authentic relationships with the people we love. The longer we refuse to look in the mirror at our own actions the father away we become from who we were meant to be, and who we are meant to love.
Take a quick inventory of your life today. How many relationships do you have that you could do without? How many relationships do you have that if somebody tells you some thing you have to guess if they’re being truthful? Do you live in fear or shy away from showing someone who you are authentically? If you have anybody on this list then I encourage you to take a strong swig of courage and set yourself free. You don’t have to be rude about, after all your future self needs you to love you. Simply say I do not feel safe emotionally with you. I am not being my authentic self and I need to take responsibility for that. I need time and space. Who can argue with that? And if they do then they are showing you where you stand in this relationship.
Relationships aren’t easy, they are not supposed to be. Relationships show us many of our patterns and our areas of growth. Remember, taking responsibility for yourself is the first step to self healing.